Selfish
by phoenixandtiger
Summary: Let me be selfish just this once.
1. Part I

_Disclaimer: I do not in any way own Fullmetal Alchemist. I wish I did, though._

x

**Selfish: Part I**

_Said I'll be there  
Said I'll be there  
Said I'll be there  
Always forever  
- Atmosphere, by Toby Mac_

It really didn't feel any different, being a suit of armor, Alphonse had to admit after a while of sparring with Ed.

Well, except for the lack of sweat and pain from all the bruises - if he was in a human body - that Ed had inflicted with his automail limbs and his flesh ones. And the lack of stickiness in the back of his neck, which Ed was certain to have, seeing as he was at least half-human (all that hair must be really uncomfortable by now - but even that was a part of the normal person's life, which he didn't have).

The half-human that saved him from bleakness and boredom in the Gate.

He did a mental face-palm when he realized how much _lack_ of gratitude that thought had (the thought before that other one, that is).

There was _no way_ he was _ever_ ungrateful for the sacrifice his older brother had made, just so Alphonse could live, in a sense.

His brother had sacrificed an _**arm**_ just so he could talk, have a life. His older brother who had shouldered all of these burdens ever since _It_ had happened.

Seriously, if that wasn't love, in every sense of the word, then there is no love in the world.

_**Or was it an act of love at all? Was being so different than those close to him preferable to death?**_

Alphonse shook his head - no one was there to see his inner epiphany. It was, is and always will be preferable to be stuck in this suit of armor than to be dead.

After all, who else would be there to watch over the older-than-his-age (and height) Fullmetal Alchemist, other than him? Who else would put up with the mood swings and general crankiness and the rare bouts of awkward gentleness?

_**Yes, it was preferable, but how much time had he spent yearning to be human? Why hadn't he been given that choice?**_

He almost slapped himself. Stupid, ungrateful, little - ! If there was a god, or higher power out there, he would beg for forgiveness each and every day just to repent for that thought alone.

Alphonse might yearn to be human, might beg to at least get a say in it, but never will he regret accepting the decision, never regret staying in this messed-up world by Ed's side.

A voice broke into his thoughts. 'Al, how long are you going to stand there making weird faces?'

He jumped - barely, suits of armor do not jump. 'Brother, I was just thinking,' he said.

Ed stared at him for a second, and then he smiled. 'Al, never will I regret giving up my arm for you. And you should never regret taking it - even if you were unconscious to accept the gift. You being here with me, every step of the way, is enough payment for me. Equivalent exchange, remember?' It was amazing how Ed always knew what he was thinking, Al thought.

The alchemist paused, just as he was going to leave. 'And anyways, you're helping me get the Philosopher's Stone. An almost impossible task; many have quit halfway already, and you're still here. For anyone, that is enough, even more.'

There was a period of silence, the kind where it should have been awkward and tense but it was just merely contemplating, then,

'Still with me? Every step, every breath?'

...

'Always.'


	2. Part II

_Disclaimer: I do not own FMA._

x

**Selfish: Part II**

_I don't need you to worry for me 'cause I'm alright  
I don't want you to tell me it's time to come home  
I don't care what you say anymore, this is my life  
Go ahead with your own life, leave me alone  
- My Life, by Billy Joel_

'Brother, do you think I'm selfish?'

The alchemist in question blinked, as if not comprehending, and broke out into laughter, tears stinging his eyes. 'Al! Where the _fuck_ did you get that idea?' He was serious while saying it. How could Alphonse, his baby brother, be selfish? He was probably the most _un_selfish person in the world, if not the universe.

He looked sheepish, as sheepish as a suit of armor can get. 'It's just that, I was thinking, and it seems as if you've done so much for the both of us, and I've been doing nothing - nothing that will last, or determine survival, or anything like that.' (It was more of not pulling his own weight, but poor Alphonse couldn't tell.)

His brother stared, the laughing fit finally passing. 'Are you being serious, Al? You do a lot for "us"! When I'm tired, you let me rest inside your chest cavity. You carry the suitcase - most of the time.'

Al hung his head. Whenever he was refusing to carry the suitcase, it was because he was sulking - which he was ashamed of.

'No, don't go beating yourself up over it, Al, I know you're doing that already. You take care of me - reminiscent of a mother hen, and _no_, I'm not complaining, I know you think it's for my own good, yada yada yada.'

'Those are things I have to do, because you're the one risking your neck every time we go on a mission for the Philosopher's Stone. It's only equivalent exchange, brother.'

Ed glared at having his own sayings said back at him. 'Close enough. But anyways, the main point is, _you are __**not**__ selfish_. You were not, you are not, you will never be. A selfish person would not have put up with me this long, he would've been long gone by now, pursuing his own dreams. Besides, I don't care. You're Al, and that's all that really matters to me.'

The eyes gleamed from the metal suit, Al's version of a smile - after all, lack of a movable mouth made it hard to smile. 'Thank you, brother.'

Ed wrapped his arms around his metal waist, in a rare show of affection. 'Anything for my little brother, Al.'

'Then it's okay to be a little selfish at times?'

'Yes. It's perfectly normal to want to be selfish sometimes, Al. It only shows you're human like the rest of us.'

Al was silent.

'Can we stay like this for the rest of the day? No talk of the Stone, work, all that. Just Edward ad Alphonse, two brothers spending the day together.'

'Sure.'

x

_(About one year later, on an anonymous mission in the middle of a war with Xing.)_

x

He _knew_ it was going to be like this, he _knew_ it. And yet, brother still got hurt, a nasty wound right in the middle of his chest.

And it was all because of _Alphonse_. If he hadn't went in and distracted Ed (_'Didn't I tell you to stay away, Al? This place isn't safe for you!'_), he wouldn't have gotten hit by that bullet.

A metaphorical heart broke into tiny pieces as Ed tugged, feather-light on his metal armor, and Al only knew it was him because he saw it.

'Brother, save your breath, General Mustang will be here soon with help...'

Ed cracked a grin. 'It's too late, Al...I just wanted to ask you for this one thing, the last thing ever...'

Al bent closer; Ed was getting out of breath and his voice was getting steadily quieter with each word he said. 'Anything, brother,' Al said quietly.

'What if I...I wanted you to go with me? To whatever is beyond death?'

'In a heartbeat.'

Ed gave a small smile, the corners of his eyes crinkling just barely. The blossom of red on his chest grew as he coughed.

'Then let me be selfish just this once, Alphonse.'

Al's metaphorical heart began mending itself when Ed transmuted his automail arm into its signature blade and pierced the blood rune on his armor, just as he drew his last breath.

_Let me be selfish just this once, Alphonse._

_Anything for you, brother._

**Finis**


End file.
